Tuesday, October 04, 2005

'Maintenance Text'?

Well folks, it's been a while since my last post, and life hums (un)merrily along in SHAM-land. Tony Robbins continues to use the email address with which I registered for his discussion site to try to sell me videos and sundry other products. Dr. Phil continues to use Katrina and its grim aftermath as a marketing tool for pitching his fall sked. John Gray is all over the tube these days, explaining why Brad and Jennifer were doomed from the start. (You don't really want to know...do you? But if you just can't help yourself, as it were...) Oh and btw--this is purely coincidental, of course--Gray's got a new, live-streaming Web radio show that debuts soon.

The book itself--that's SHAM, for those with memories as short as Dr. Phil's list of things he wouldn't do to self-promote--has its good days and its bad days. People with expertise in such matters tell me they've seldom seen a book with quite this level of Amazon volatility: top 3000 Monday, back up to 60,000 Tuesday, back down to top 3000 again on Wednesday. All very strange; it's almost as if there's some guy sitting in his electronic cottage somewhere, mouse in hand, incessantly ordering then returning mass quantities of SHAM in a never-ending cycle...

I've (mostly) accepted the fact that a sizzling Today Show face-off with McGraw (or Robbins, or Gray, or Schlessinger, et al) just isn't in the cards. And really, such a showdown wouldn't have made much sense, from the networks' point of view: Katie spends her first hour, in effect, vouching for the latest program that guarantees to remove that ugly cellulite, the latest program that guarantees to help you land and keep a husband, the latest program that guarantees to ensure that excessive amounts of day-care don't turn your kid into the next Dylan Klebold...and then she has me on, to explain why everything she just told you for that first hour is a fragrantly steaming pile of b.s.... Can't you just see it!

Sigh. I still can, dammit. I still can...

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