Friday, February 11, 2011

'OK, but should I bathe, at least?'

Been looking over this compilation of "Valentine's tips" from assorted romance mavens, or people who fancy themselves as such. I have a few comments.

Maybe it's just my age bracket, but I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with the idea of professing your love via text-message. ("Lexting"?) Virtual flowers don't do it for me, either
and I have a hard time believing that they'll do it for the average women, though I've talked to a fair number of gals, mostly younger ones, practical types, who don't see the point of the real ones, either: "If you want to give me a gift, make it something that isn't withered and dead and depressing to look at in two or three days." And that final idea from the first grouping in the above articlein essence, arranging a flash mob of Valentine's Day singles/solosstrikes me as really depressing.

I have to say, I pretty much endorse all of the tips from the third guru on the list, Donna Estes Antebi
relationship coach-to-the-stars and author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisperalthough her advice surely goes against the grain for every woman who considers herself even halfway feminist or "enlightened." Pick up his socks because "it takes much, much longer to find someone new again"? (Picture my eyebrows raised about as high as they'll go on my increasingly hairless forehead.) Say yes, yes, YES! even when you don't feel like it so that he won't "get tired of you"? While you're at it, tell him how terrifyingly monstrous he is, to boot? Pleasant thoughts, maybe, for those of us on the receiving end ... but geez-Louise.

In the name of fairness and equal time (and so that you won't dismiss me as an irredeemable pig), let me say that the fourth so-called expert, reality TV's David Good of Bachelor "fame," mightily ticks me off. Good's bad advice essentially reduces to "how a man can give himself a great gift on Valentine's Day!" He builds this whole scene themed around lingerie, and even if one assumes that women always want sex as much as we do (yes, yes, YES!), clearly the emphasis is on creating a perfectly swell evening for the guy. It's a little bit like a wife giving a husband a book on how to administer the perfect foot-rub or fix that leaky kitchen faucet once and for all, yanno?

Finally, I like the brassy ballsiness (if you will) of the "4 ways to take back Valentine's Day from the girls at" I'm especially bemused by the exhortation, "Don't bother shaving." At first I thought they were talking to the guy, then I realized...

Anyway, there's a lot more there. Maybe you'll get something out of it that makes your own Valentine's Day a bit brighter. As for me, I'm not gonna shave, shower, or fix that damn leaky faucet.


RevRon's Rants said...

Some of the suggestions offered sound pretty good, some sound like they come from the mouth of Jeff on Rules of Engagement, and some are guaranteed to transport an individual directly to the mystical kingdom of Notgonnagetany. And having no desire to commit relationship suicide, I'll be damned if I'll admit to the ones I agreed with. :-)

Kathryn Price said...

Steve: "Say Yes, Yes, YES! even when you don't feel like it so he won't get tired of you"? Do constant breathless affirmatives really make a woman more interesting to a man? I don't buy it, but maybe I'm dead wrong. That gave me flashbacks to Marabel Morgan and Saran Wrap, which I read about at a much too tender age, a hapless child who'd read anything I could get my hands on. The book was being passed around by the neighborhood women and it fell into my hands. What where its mysteries? The idea that men needed to be entertained with constant innovative household tricks deflated (no pun intended) the whole mysterious business for me.

If there is any "secret" I think it's in knowing your partner. An anthology of political poets of the Americas is more likely to get my heart going than flowers and my partner knows that, although flowers can be nice, too. Of the two, though, I'd prefer the book any day. He has asked for a cherry pie baked by me for Valentine's Day and it's true that I know how to turn a pie crust--is that a Marabel-ish thing to say?

Steve Salerno said...

KP: I agree with the "partner knowledge" thing. And I dare say there are probably many men, certainly at my stage in life, for whom a nicely turned pie crust does the job far better than a garish, over-the-top, French-maid bustier and/or bikini get-up.

Bring on the pie!

(But yes, yes, YES! is kinda nice.) ;)

Steve Salerno said...

P.S. to my parenthetical: If and when it's real. No scenes from When Harry Met Sally need apply, thank you.

RevRon's Rants said...

So why not turn those fabulous pie crusts while decked out in the bikini? Truth be told, she'd have had me when she came into the room wearing a wife-beater... ONLY a wife beater. I can make my own damn pie crusts (and quite well, I might add, although they haven't been quite as flaky since I switched from lard to butter).

Steve Salerno said...

Somehow I think the terms "wife-beater" and "Valentine's Day" are oxymoronic?

Kathryn Price said...

If he asked for the bikini, I would wear it, but not while turning the pie crust, because we live in Minnesota. The temperature has been subzero far too often lately, although today we're above freezing, a balmy 37. It's not as if I've never bought lingerie, but it seems to me that the stuff is ubiquitous; the typical grocery store checkout lane features magazine covers with everyone in push-up bras. I would think that subtlety might be appealing for a change. And are you guys brushing up your pirate costumes, or whatever the male counterpart costume would be? Well? The authentic (as opposed to the When Harry Met Sally "yes" (I'll just leave it at one "yes" at this point) works both ways, although I don't really want my guy dressed like a pirate. D.H. Lawrence talked about sex reduced to playing with underclothes in his defense of Lady Chatterly's Lover, a book I note was scorned by many feminists, but which I found to be quite filled with what Lawrence originally intended to title it: Tenderness. Nothing wrong with lace and all, but it's overdone! Wouldn't covering up be intriguing by contrast? Probably not, but I thought I'd give it a try.

For pie crust, I use a mixture of butter and vegetable shortening: butter for flavor and shortening for flakiness. Lard is out for me as a vegetarian. I use King Arthur Flour, and working the dough as lightly as possible I get an exquisitely flaky crust.

RevRon's Rants said...

Steve, That's only 'cause you've never seen Connie in a wife-beater. However, I'll admit that when I do, I tend to lapse into the moronic (albeit non-oxy). :-)